A lot of guys who are bad with girls are depressed. Being depressed is definitely going to mess up your chances with women, and not getting women is often a cause of depression. It’s a vicious circle.

When I was 13 all the way through to the time I kissed my first girl at 21, I was depressed a lot of the time. I felt bad about my looks, I was unpopular and bullied, and I thought I’d never be able to find a girlfriend. Schools sent me to psychologists and my mum worried about me.

Use these 10 steps to cure your depression, just like I did.

Most people will only take action when the pain becomes acute enough. For me, it was a question of “no fucking way am I living the rest of my life like this” and I took action.

Do what it takes for you to get to that point, whether it’s imagining the rest of your life continuing as it is or imagining what you could have if you could make the changes that you know are possible.

And how can you make yourself happier? If you read about depression, articles will recommend sleep, exercise and nutrition. I’m going to ignore these things and focus on making changes to your actual life and how you feel about yourself. Let’s get to it:


Your current situation is associated in your mind with your surroundings and the people that you know. If you have had a negative mental state for a number of years, those feelings are well and truly associated with everything around you. You need to make radical changes. If you can move house, throw out old clothes and objects and make as many changes as possible, it will be a positive step.

You should also make big changes to your appearance. A new hair style and a new fashion direction will get you feeling differently about yourself.


Having something to look forward to in life is a nice stabilizer. Even if it is a few months in the future, a holiday to a place you have never been or the start of a course you have signed up for is a nice event on the horizon.

This can also serve as a further catalyst to get in shape, and learn things. What is something you can book now that you can look forward to doing a few months from now?


To many single guys focus purely on getting a girlfriend. They might not be ready for that. Remember this: Your family loves you unconditionally. Their approval and positive words therefore probably don’t do much to convince you.

Much more real is what you hear from strangers. If you bring new people into your life and they call you and want to spend time with you, and compliment you, then you have this external validation that gives us that belief that we are a good person and have some value in the world.

Be as sociable as you can, talk to everyone, and put yourself out there. If you haven’t tried daygame, night game, speed dating, dance classes, and yoga class in the next 30 days, then you aren’t on schedule.


I like girls…. girls…. girls…. girls…. girls I do adore.


You should always be reading books, listening to audio books, attending courses, and trying new things. This will generate positive experiences, open new worlds, become subjects for conversations, introduce you to new people, and give you a sense of a achievement and progress. You always need progress in some area of your life to feel good about yourself.

If things are standing still or going backwards, it’s a recipe for unhappiness. I always say yes to trying new things, and ask my friends to help me plan interesting activities that we can all try. When I wanted to be better with women, even learning some stuff and writing it down gave me hope and made me feel a little better.


Just getting my activity game on son.


We should always have goals that we are trying to achieve, whether it is losing x amount of fat, or being able to have a conversation in a foreign language, or being able to land a punch finally on your boxing coach during sparring. They should all exist at the same time.

Life is full of ups and downs, and if we focus on one particular goal – making money, or getting a girlfriend for example, then our emotions solely depend on the current state of that area of our life. By having multiple goals, we can always shift focus to other things when on area is in a slump.

This was extremely important for me during the many setbacks I had going from virgin to great with women, and from a business with a huge debt to one that was quite successful.


Just taking kicking ass and taking names right here.


Books are very important for changing your thought processes and changing your mood. From traditional self help and motivational books like Tony Robbins, to tools like NLP and self-hypnosis, to philosophy and Buddhism like Alan Watts, to motivational tales like biographies of famous businessmen or sportsmen, you can gain a lot from books.

Use a kindle so you don’t get distracted and check your messages every few minutes, and listen to audio books when you are driving or walking or laying in the bath. Finally you get a sense of achievement from finishing books and that helps too. I was reading two books a week when I was trying to turn my life around.


Bookworm yo!


Every few weeks, write down some notes about what is happening in your life focused on what you are doing, any plans or successes that you have. It can just be a few sentences every few weeks.

This means that when you suffer a setback, you can come back to this and see the progress you made, remembering where you were in the weeks and months before and seeing how far you have come.


I am not going to tell you not to feel bad when something shitty happens. You can and should, but you also need to be constructive about it. Ask yourself these questions – “Why did it happen” and “what do I need to do next time so that that doesn’t happen”.

As soon as I started doing that with girls or with business, the knocks didn’t hurt me so much and I bounced back stronger every time.


Doing charity work is quite an interesting topic, do we really do it for others, or do we do it to make ourselves feel better? In this case it doesn’t actually matter.

When you help people less fortunate, it gives your life some meaning – you are helping and making the world a slightly better place, secondly you see that your reasons for being depressed are bullshit when you compare yourself to other people who are really suffering or in trouble. Google “volunteer work in..” and the place where you live to find something you can do right now!


Finally, the most important thing for helping our mood, is positive feedback from women. When I was 21 and hadn’t kissed a girl, it was positive feedback for me even when a girl would stay and listen to me. When I got my first number, when a girl laughed at one of my jokes, when she met me for a date. All of this was positive feedback that I had something good about me.

Of course over a number of months, you should start to get women who want to spend time with you, who compliment you, and who want a relationship with you. All of this proves that you are a good guy, and have some value in the world. You’ll gain confidence and self-respect, and in turn your results will get better and better once that confidence shows in your attitude and behaviour.


Hanging on EVERY word.

That’s it guys, you don’t need 10 years of psychiatry, or to tell someone all of your problems or the reasons why you aren’t as happy as you could be. The past and the reasons are not going to help you. The main thing is making positive steps in the right direction.

Richard La Ruina
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Richard La Ruina

Founder at PUA Training
Hey I’m Richard. I founded PUA Training which is a dating advice / coaching company that helps thousands of men all over the world get better with women. My main aim on this blog is to give you an insight into how I live my life.
Richard La Ruina
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